Funny Sms Dil cheer ke dikhaau

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Funny Sms Dil cheer ke dikhaau, to dard dhoondh na paaoge,

Waah...waah. .. dil cheer ke dikhaau,

To dard dhoondh na paaoge...

Kyonki dard to mere daant me hai,

aik charsi funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

aik charsi mazar per dua kar raha tha,mera prize bond her soort nikalna chahiy
jesay he wo mazaar sey bahir ayya kisi ney us ki jaib sey bond kikaal liya.
wo wapis mazaar main ayya oor bola baba g pehlay pori gal samaj laya karo fir action liya karo.

daku bangaya funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

shehzad ghurbat say tang aah kar daku bangaya dakaiti karny 1 bank gaya aur kaha arz hai
takdir mein joo likha hai wohi milaiga
.
.
.
handsup koi nahi hilaiga

paki team

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

(\./) \('.')
/.".)"--((>--
\,,,/"(, <, )\
//'''''\\
Hat jao raste se!
PAKISTANI team wapas jaa rahi hai..

dil

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Dil cheer ke dikhaau, to dard dhoondh na paaoge,

Waah...waah. .. dil cheer ke dikhaau,

To dard dhoondh na paaoge...

Kyonki dard to mere daant me hai,

love

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Love marriage aur arrange marriage mein kya farq hy...


simple,



love marriage mein aap apni girlfriend se shadi karte hain


aur



arrange marriage mein kisi aur ki girlfriend se..

Mashor Chinese poet likhtay hain funny urdu sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

1Mashor Chinese poet likhtay hain k,
.
"Shinguya chi chongo itima shin shun una ping pingo ching"
.
bilkul sahi likha hy!
Mere to Aansu agay,

ek pathan bagte bagte ruk gaya

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

ek pathan bagte bagte ruk gaya
q

Wo B INSAN hai

TUM log B NA PHATAN ko kia samaj letay hoo

sardar fuuny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

سردار جی کا نہایت خطرناک آپریشن ہونا تھا جب انہیں سٹریچر پر ڈال کر آپریشن تھیٹر کی طرف لے جانے کا وقت آیا تو انہوں نے پاس ہی کھڑی ہوئی اپنی غمگین بیوی کو قریب بلایا اور نصیحت و وصیت کے انداز میں کہا کہ اگر میں دوران آپریشن مر جاؤں تو تم اس ڈاکٹر سے شادی کرلینا۔ بیوی نے حیران و پریشان ہو کر کہا سردار جی! ایسی باتیں کیوں کرتے ہو؟ سردار جی نے جواب دیا تو کیا میں اپنے قاتل کو یونہی معاف کر دوں

meri koi 1 achi aur koi 1 buri aadat

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

send it to yr frndz nd gt funny rplizz,.
meri koi 1 achi aur koi 1 buri aadat
.
.
.
.
batane ki koi zaroorat nai

pehle apni harkate theek karo.

Wife: Sirf Mere Liye He funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Wife: Sirf Mere Liye He Paan Kyon Le Rahe Ho?
Apne Liye Bhi Le Lo...

.
.
.
.
.

Husband: Mai Bina Paan Khaye Bhi Chup Reh Sakta Hon.

husband wife funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Wife: ”Mujhe kisi mehangi jaga le ke chaliye na ji”
.
.
.
Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao…”
.
.
.
.
.
Petrol pump chaltay hain

apna future janne k liye type kijiye funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

apna future janne k liye type kijiye

apna naam space apne lover k naam

aur apne papa k no par send kar dijiye

PASHTU SHAIRI funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

funny sms

PASHTU SHAIRI
DAGHA REPEATER ZAMA FIRE DA 32 BORE,
javascript:void(0)
"FARAZ"

LAKA DUSHMAN DAGHA ((DUZZZ,DUZZZZ)) WALA WAI WAL WALA WAI WAI....

MUHABAT KE NAME PE SAZA MENE PAI HAI FUUNNY SMS

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

ARZ HAY
MUHABAT KE NAME PE SAZA MENE PAI HAI
GHOR FARMAI
MUHABAT KE NAME PE SAZA MENE PAI HAI

BAQI SHER BAD ME ABHEE AMI NE ROTI MANGVAI HAI

AJ KI PIYAARI DUA funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

……AJ KI PIYAARI DUA…….
….. Yaa Allah
koi galti se mere Number pe blance send kar de.
*. AAMEEN .*

bAll tEmpring funny sms in urdu

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Tat’tay khujany ki english btao..
Nhi pta..?
.
.
.
.
‘bAll tEmpring’
..

Best way of removing Tension funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms



Best way of removing Tension
Is not saying..
‘All is well’
Just sit in a corner
Close your Eyes
and say..
‘Meray “L” Se’
‘Meray “L” se’

Ek pathan ka hath machine mein

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Ek pathan ka hath machine mein aakar kat gaya. Us k dost afsos karne k liye aaye kehne lagey,
Shukar karo k tumhra seedha hath nahi kata werna tum khana kis se khatey,hath kis se milate?
Pathan: Ye tum hamare dimag ki daad do,aaya to hamara seedha hath hi tha humne kheench kar foran ulta hath de diya.

PATHAN se

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

JUDGE,
PATHAN se: Tumhra juram sabit ho chuka hy,
kal tmhe phansi pe latkaya jae ga,
PATHAN: Wo to theek hai lekn utara kab jae ga???

Aapko Naya Janam Din birthday sma

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Phoolon ne Amrit ka jaam bheja hai,
Sooraj ne gagan se Salam bheja hai,
Mubarak ho Aapko Naya Janam Din,
Tahe-Dil se Humne ye Paigaam bheja hai !

ek saand khada tha

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Ek patli gali mein ek saand khada tha.
Ek ladki wahan se nikli to ek ladke se poocha-Ae mr.ye saand marta hai kya?
Ladka -gai ki to mkaar leta hai apki marega pata nahin?

Exam kay din main bachi

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Ye soch k hum ne Exam k dinon me bachi phasai..
FARAZ,
..
.Har kamyabi k peche Aorat ka hath hota he.

1 Gaandu Se Sawal

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

1 Londaybaaz ka 1 Gaandu Se Sawal:
.
.
“Tum Gaand Marwanay K Paisay Kyun Nahi Letay?
.
.
.
..

Kitabon k warko ko urdu poetry

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Kitabon k warko ko plt kr sochta hn
U plt jaye zindgi to kiya bat hy
khwabon me roz milta hai jo
Hqiqat me aye to kiya bat hy
kuch matlb k liye log dhondte hen mje
Bina matlab aye koi to kiya bat hy
Qatal kr k to sab le jayenge dil mera
koi baton se le jaye to kiya bat hy

Pathan dr. se

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Pathan dr. se-5 saal se sex kar raha hun par hamara bachcha nahi ho raha.
dr.-ye to pareshani ki baat hai, apne partner ko bulao.
Pathan – Javed Khan, andar aao….

Ages of sex funny adult sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Different ages of sex life:
age 20 -din raat.
age 28 -roj raat
age 38 -sunday raat
age 48 -chand raat
age 58 -only jazbaat
age 68 -chi..chi..galat baat.

Yakin Teri wafa ka urdu sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Yakin Teri wafa ka aaj kar lya mene
Tere pyar se Daman apna bhr lya mene
Tumhy zarorat nhi mjsy kuch kehne ki
Teri Aankho se Tere Dil ka Hal parh lya mene

Love is a gamble funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Love is a gamble, Sex is a game,
Boozy do the thing Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure 9 months of pain 1 day in hospital and a junior needs a name

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

HUSBAND SUHAAG RAAT KO ADULT SMS

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

HUSBAND SUHAAG RAAT KO:
Main shadi se pehle 20 Aurto’n k sath sex ker chuka hoon
WIFE: (sharmatay hue)
Aap wohi hain na jis ne 500 ka Jaali note diya tha..

PATHAN funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

JUDGE,
PATHAN se: Tumhra juram sabit ho chuka hy,
kal tmhe phansi pe latkaya jae ga,
PATHAN: Wo to theek hai lekn utara kab jae ga???

Very close and always in hand adult ams

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

My frnds r like my

TATTAY

Very close

Always in hand

Always hangng around

Doing nothng

But without them..!

I m simply

NO MAN

Geo Mery TATTO

Kal Raat

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Kal Raat,
Böhat Dinö Baad,
Kitab Khöli tö Ehsas howa,, !!faraz!!
.
.
.
.
.
Ay v Nai Aanda
Ay v Nai Aanda,
Ay v Nai Aanda:-)

Aap ki khoobsurti ka raaz kia hay

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Salam! Mai ye sim Off kr raha hon is pe mujhe boht calls or msgs arhe hain log tang krte hain
Poochte hain k
“Aap ki khoobsurti ka raaz kia hay

Husbànd to Wife

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Husbànd to Wife: ye bàche itne shàràrti kue hote hài
Wife: jo cheez bànti shàràràt se hài wo shàrif kàise ho sàkte hàin.

Alfaz ki hifazat kia karo

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Alfaz ki hifazat kia karo
Apne khayalon ki hifazat karo kyun ke ye tumhare alfaz ban jate hain,
Apne alfaz ki hifazat karo kyun ke ye tumhara amal ban jate hain,
Apne amal ki hifazt karo kyn ke ye tumhara kirdar ban jata hai,
Aur Apne kirdar ki hifazAt karo kyun k tumhara kirdar tumhari pehchan hoti hai.”

mirchon wala khana

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

1 Angraiz ne Pakistani mirchon wala khana khaya
Subha toilet se aa kr bola:
“Ab samjh aai k pakistani pani se kyon dhoote hain?
Tissue ko to aag lag jati hoge

Kill an Enemy

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

To Kill an Enemy
You Required
A Sword
Or A Gun,
But
To Kill a Loved One
Just Being
Silent is Enough..!!

NIGHT TIPS

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

NIGHT TIPS:
>wazu kr k suna.
>bister jharna
>dahini krwat pr sona
>tahajjud &fajr k lea jagne ki neyat krna

Tum yaad ate ho

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Jab barish hoti hai, Tum yaad aate ho. Jab kali ghata chaye,
Tum yaad ate ho, Jab bheegte hain tum yaad aate ho,
Bataoo Meri umbrella Kab wapis kro ge!

Moot kay baad

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms islamic sms

Mot k Bad Konsi Chez ktni Dair Zinda Rhti He?
Heart-10mins
Brain-20 mins
Eyes-4 hours
Skin-5 days
Bones-30 days
&
Naik Aamal
Hmesha Zinda Rhenge!

|MOHSIN NAQVI|

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

|MOHSIN NAQVI|
Koi tum se puchy kon hun main?
Tm keh dena koi khas nhi
Ek dost hy kacha pakka sa
Ek jhoot hy aadha sacha sa

Hum Zinadgi Ki Bheer Mein

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Hum Zinadgi Ki Bheer Mein is qadar Kho Gaye….
Pata He Nahi Chala Kab falsay 80 Rupay Kilo Ho Gaye…..!!
Happy Falsay season.

World Dogs Competition 2010

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

World Dogs Competition ho raha tha
.
Bush: German Shephard laya
.
Obama: Bull Terrier laya
.
Bill Clinton: Alsation laya
Or
Hamare wale ka confidence to dekhen
.
khali hath hi chala gaya or 1st prize jeet k le aaya

My country is Multan

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

My country is Multan

An Essay on My Country (14th Aug 2025)
My Country is MULTAN
It has 4 Provinces
GULGASHT
CANTT
BIN QASIM QILA

“IMAM E KABBA”

warnning sms

“IMAM E KABBA”
Janab “QARI
“ABDUL REHMAN” “AL SUDAIS”
ne Apney Jumma Ke Khutbey mein Farmya hai Ke “QURAN Ke Alfaaz Ko SmS matt Karo”,

Badal ki tarhan

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Bhatakte rahe hai badal ki tarah,
seene se lagalo aanchal ki tarah,
gham ke raste pe na chodna akele,
warna tut jaynge payal ki tarah.

Jaan can i touch your boo

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

NORMAL LOVER.. Boy “Jaan can I touch your boobs?” girl – “Rascal!”
MENTOS LOVER.. Boy “Jaan can I feel your heartbeats?” girl – “So sweet!” Think different

What is mobile must read

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

“Wat is mobile?”
.
.
.
?
?
R u luking 4 answer?
Ye haath me kya lauda pakda hai?
Kaise kaise namune uparwale ne banaaye hai?

Dirty sms of the year 2010

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Is Saal ka Sabse GANDA sms… 1 Ldka class mein 1 Ldki ki gaand mein ungli Kar deta hai
Ldki usse muskurate hue kehti hai”UTNI HI TATTI NIKAALNA JITNI KHANI HO

life lead you 2 great happiness

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Wish you a very happy birthday May life lead you 2 great happiness
success and hope that all your wishes comes true! enjoy your day.

Humaray ammi abbu hum say muhabbat

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Shahzada Salim:Hmare Ammi Abbu hmse itni mhbt krte the
ki hme sulane k liye sari rat jagte the or hm fir b nai sote the.
Anarkali: Tabi to ap iklote reh gay

Agar mujhe 3 ankhe

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms


Agar mujhe 3 ankhe milti to mai apne lund pe lagata
Aur tumhari gand me daal kar dekhta
ki wo konsa keeda h jo tumhe sms karne se rokta hAi..!

gar ye Congress Govt.

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms


Agar ye Congress Govt.
5 Saal aur rahi toh..
CHEENI chut se mehangi hogi.
DOODH sirf boobs mein hoga.
GAS sirf Gaand se niklegi,
PAANI sirf Lund se niklega !!

Phoolon me khushbu

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Phoolon me khushbu dena koi apse sikhe Ruthe hue ko hasana koi apse sikhe
Logo ki Gand me Ungli har koi kar sakta hai.Pr Ungli kar K use Sunghna koi apse sikhe.

sexy funny sms funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms
Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter

Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving

Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"

Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

sexy funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!
Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.
Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.
Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving
Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"
Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.
Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes

dirty sms dirty jokes part 2 list of dirty jokes sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing.

---

Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical.

After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years."

She looks sternly at him and says, "I demand a second opinion".

"OK" he says, "you're fucking ugly as well!"

---

Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully
deep.

After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.

The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.

As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"

"Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."

---

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

---

A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income. The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.

A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried, "That's too much!" He then asked, "How much for a handjob?" She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.

The husband said "Ask for $40." The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was well hung.

She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked "Now what?" The wife replied "Can I borrow $60?"

---

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I�ll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you�re so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck �em dry!"

---

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

---

Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water. Shortly thereafter, the boy runs to his mother and says, "Mommy, I saw some ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mother cleverly replies, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are!"

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I saw some men with dongs a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

"The bigger they are, the dumber they are!" she replies.

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber he got!"

---

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"

His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

---

A husband is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. While doing so, the wife lets out a sigh. Pleasantly surprised, the husband runs out and tells the doctor.

"That is a good sign," suggests the doctor, "Why don't you try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction."

The husband returns to his wife's bedside and rubs her right breast which brings a moan from his wife. He rushes out again and tells the doctor. The doctor thinks this is amazing and could perhaps be a real break through. The doctor then suggests the man return to her bedside and perform oral sex.

More than happy to accommodate, the husband returns to his wife's bedside to do his deed. Some five minutes later, the husband comes running from his wife's bedside screaming for the doctor.

"What's going on?" asks the doctor.

The husband yells, "My wife stopped breathing!"

"What happened?" asks the doctor. "Everything seemed to be looking good a few minutes ago."

The husband replies, "She choked."

---

Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!" The young rooster replies: "Now don't give me a hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike!" The old rooster says: "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster snarls: "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster: "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farm house with you. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop." The young rooster smiles: "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start." The two roosters line up in back of the farm house; a hen clucks "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 5 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. Farmer Brown, sitting on the porch, hearing the commotion looks up and sees what's going on. Quickly, he grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to smithereens! Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust: "Damn! That makes the third gay rooster I bought this week."

---

A woman in her 30's was taking her mother, who was in her 50's to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, "Don't we look pretty today", as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing.

When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset. The Following conversation ensued:

Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, "Don't we look pretty today", while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?

Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn't referring to your hairstyle or something?

Mother: Well, it still wasn't appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?

Daughter: I don't know. We're you embarrassed?

Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don't think he should have commented!

Daughter: I don't have any FDS.

Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment...

Granddaughter: That's my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!

---

A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."

dirty sms dirty jokes

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list of  dirty jokes

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

How to get your brain exercised

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2 friends,
“see” & “saw”:
1 day “see” saw sea & “saw” didnt see sea.
“See” saw sea and jumped in sea.
“Saw” didnt see sea but jumped in sea.
“See” saw “saw” in sea & “saw” saw “see” in sea.
“See” “saw” both saw sea & both “saw” & “see” were happy to see Sea.
That is how to exercise your brain..!

Fact about women

Fact about women

Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband’s coat from 20 meters,
but can’t see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . . :-D

Miss use of english

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Misuse of English!
A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So da Teacher Drew The Diagram On Da Blackboard
&
said:
“Dont Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure”:D

Difference between Friend & Wife

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Difference between Friend & Wife

U can Tell ur Friend

“U r my Best Friend”

But

Do u have courage tell to ur Wife

“U r my Best Wife?”

Smile meanings

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Smile to old means Respect
Smile to child mean Innocence
Smile to friend means Care
Smile in front of mobile, a mental case!
Still smiling? ;-)
Pagal ey oy

How is the situation

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Husband wanted to call the hospital

to ask about his pregnant wife,

but accidently called the cricket stadium.

He asks, “How’s the situation?”

He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.

They said, “It’s fine. 3 are out,

hope to get another 7 out by lunch,

last one was a duck!”..:-P

Interesting line on girl’s T-shirt

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Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)

Ghalib ne girlfriend ko date

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Ghalib ne girlfriend ko date per bulaya wo late aayi,
Girl: Am I late ?
Ghalib:
Falak pey chand sitaron ko neend aarahi hai,
Doosri ka time ho gaya hai, tu ab aa rahi hai.
:-)

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN

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Nobody teaches

Volcanoes to erupt,

Tsunamis to devastate,

Hurricanes to sway around

&

no one teaches

How to choose a Wife,

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

S

Silent message for all students

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A ThermoMeter is n0t the 0nly thing

that gets a “DEGREE” without having a “BRAIN”…! :p

A silent msg f0r all studnts;-)

U are a BITCH funny sms

Funny sms Funny Sms Urdu Funny Sms English Funny sms

U are a BITCH

Beautiful

Intelligent

Talented

Cute

Hilarious

r u smiling now?

?

?

?

*YOU ARE REALLY BITCH*

best day to propose a girl funny sms

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Hey U Know

Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1

U Know Why??

If she accept its your luck

otherwise just tell April Foooooll.

Tomorrow exam’s cheat today! funny sms

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Examiner:y r u under tension?

Did u forget admit card,ID,or calculator?

studnt:No Sir!

By mistake i have brought tomorrow

exam’s pharray (Cheating material) today:-)

GIRL:My heart is like a mobile funny sms

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GIRL:My heart is like a mobile

and you are the sim card

BOY:I m very happy. . .

Gal:dont b too happy. . .

If I get a new offer

I will change the sim card..!

why women starts with ‘W’ funny sms

You know why women starts with ‘W’…

because all questions start with “W”.. !

Who ?

Why ?

What ?

When ?

Which ?

Whom ?

Where ?

&

Finally Wife..!!!

while kissing a pretty girl funny sms

Any man who can drive safely

while kissing a pretty girl

is simply not giving the kiss

the attention it deserves.

World’s smallest resignation letter? very funny sms

World’s smallest resignation letter?

Respected sir,

I love Ur wife.

Thank you

Bachelor or Married again funny sms

Sardar’s Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Don’t Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate “Bachelor Again”.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is “Married Again”.

Cutest Proposal funny sms

Cutest Proposal –
A Boy Rings D Door-Bell Of A Girls Home.
&
Asks ,
“Do U Belive In Love At First Sight
Or
Should I Come Back Again..”

scientific theory and reality funny sms

The difference between scientific theory and reality
is like the difference between
reading the menu and eating dinner.

Height Of Illiteracy funny sms

Height Of Illiteracy:
You Take A Blade
And
Write Your Lover’s Name On Your Arm.
.
.
.
.
And
Make A Spelling Mistake.

“9 Interesting Confusions” funny sms

“Interesting Confusions”
1. Can u cry under water?
2. Do fish ever get thirsty?
3. Why don’t birds fall out of trees when they sleep?
4. What do u call a male lady bird?
5. Why is it called building when it’s already built?
6. When they say dog food is new & improved in taste, who tastes it?
7. If money doesn’t grow on trees then why banks have branches?
8. Why does a round pizza come in sqaure box?
9.Why doesn’t glue, stick to its bottle;-)..!!

ECG if u go out with wife funny sms

ECG if u go out with wife
/l__,-.__/\_,_,-.
ECG if u go out with girlfriend
_/l_/l_/l_/l_/\_/\_
ECG if wife catches u with girlfriend…
/\________

hathi r horse

Teacher: Batao Haathi or Ghoray Main Kia Faraq Hota Hai?





Student: SIR Ghoray ki 1 Taraf Dum Hoti hai,
Aur Haathi ki Dono Taraf. :-)

Romantic Lines Of A Baby! urdu sms

urdu sms

Romantic Lines Of A Baby!

"Mein Tumhe Bhulne Ti Bohot Toshish Talti Hoon,

Pal Tya Talun Mama Loj

BADAM Thila Deti Hein

Aul Umhali Yaad Phil Shy Aa Dati Hai"